I'm back!

Hello my honeybears!

I am truly sorry for my massive absence in the past couple of months so I thought I owed you all an explanation for my disappearance.

Well, if you follow me on Twitter, you may have seen me briefly say that I was suffering from migraines due to new tablets and, therefore, I couldn't stand to be near my computer.

I am currently receiving treatment for Endometriosis. It pretty much means, this is how it's been explained to me at least, there is part of the lining of my womb lying on top of some of my organs. It reeeally doesn't sound nice and it is horrible. This has pretty much been going on for 2 years, that means 2 years of cramps and bleeding. Oh yes, that's right, 2 years of Non. Stop. Bleeding. And you other girls thought that your 1 week a month was bad.
The pains I get are, apparently, like contractions except without the baby (sad face).

It all started when I began using the progesterone pill for contraception. As I had a high BMI (yea, I'm a fat girl *sigh*), I wasn't allowed on the combined pill so that was my alternative. I was on that for just over a year as I was told 'it will settle down, it's your body getting used to it' Total BS.

I was then moved onto another progesterone pill to try and sort it out. However, because I have depression, the mood swings got out of control and I began having suicidal thoughts again. Massive no no with me, I'm trying to move through it without any more antidepressants.
I've been on the implant for almost a year now. I'm still having the same problems.
My BMI has come down. I'm still trying to lose weight (I want to be a size 8. Every girl has their dreams) So yea, I got put onto the combined pill but I already get migraines, made about 50 times worse.

My next option seems to be surgery unfortunately.

I shall keep you all updated and I'll be back to writing blogs (hopefully) in the next few days.

Thanks for having so much patience my loves.

Toodles!

X

We wish you a Merry Christmas and a happy New Year!

Hello my honeybears!

Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!

I hope you all had a lovely Christmas and a joyful New Year.

My New Year didn't get off to the best of starts. It was actually rather terrifying.
I left at 1:30 am after a night out with some friends (and bumping into James from Geordie Shore numerous times). I was relatively sober and, as I didn't want to pay the £7 taxi fare for a 5 minute walk, I stopped to change from my high heels to my fold up flats. As I was changing my shoes, a guy in a people carrier type car pulled up just in front of me on the street and opened his car window. At 1:30 am on New Years Eve, I thought this was weird so I decided to ring my boyfriend because, well, I was scared. As I walked past the car, talking on my phone, nothing was said to me. A metre down the street, the car drove past me.
Now, is it me or is that not massively creepy? My boyfriend, his family and my family all found this really scary and kept asking me if I'd got the plate. I didn't, I was too focused on getting past the car and not being kidnapped.

So yea, not the best start to my year.

On the bright side, I found out I won the final door on the AX Paris Advent Calender competition so I won a Zoeva make up brush set worth £165! SO EXCITING!

Anyway, I decided to share my 10 New Years Resolution. I'm determined to stick to these resolutions this year.

1) The classic. Lose weight: I am actually completely obsessed with my weight, it's a major factor of my depression as I have very low self esteem. I am aiming to get down to a size 8/ 8 stone. I'm currently hovering around  a size 12.

Current body envy. The gorgeous Jennifer Lawrence.

 


2) Improve my diet: I suffer really badly from horrific breakouts and and I'm so bad at getting my five a day. I need to change because 'you are what you eat' after all. I always feel so sluggish when I eat crappy junk food. It's horrid. This will be happening after my birthday on 13th January because I want to enjoy my birthday cake.

3) Be kinder: I am a bitch. When I decide I dislike someone then everything they do winds me up. I'm so bad at just being blunt with people I dislike. I feel like I've had a lot of bad things happen to me recently so if I become a nicer person then maybe, my luck will change. Plus, no one wants to constantly be known as 'the bitch'.

4) Forgive: Again, I'm terrible at holding grudges against people for things they did years ago. There are certain people that I will never be able to forgive no matter what but other people I just don't forgive because I'm too stubborn.

5) Stop buying shoes: I'm addicted! I have so many shoes and I only wear a couple of them. I just like to look at them if I'm honest. They're so pretty but I'm too scared to wear some as they're expensive and I'm so clumsy. I have been known to get the ends of my trousers stuck on the corners of radiators at work. Apparently, it's funny to see happen.

6) Organise my room: Seriously, I can't even begin to tell you how bad my room looks. Bomb site is an understatement. I like things to be in a certain place but I don't have the time or energy. This year, I plan on using some of the energy I use playing the Sims and direct it to cleaning. How fun.

7) Save some money: I haven't been on holiday in almost 5 years. 5 YEARS! I would love a break this year but I'm also saving for a 'rainy day'/house. I'm nearly 20 and I'd love to go on holiday with my boyfriend before next year. However, with both of us being students, we can't afford anywhere really fancy. I'd love to go to Centre Parcs again. So beautiful. If you've never looked into it, it's a little pricey but it's so worth it. Give it a browse.

8) Clean my make up brushes ever week: I'm awful at this. I do it once a month at a push. It's probably why I have such bad breakouts. I'm going to invest in a Sigma Spa Brush Cleaning Glove for a good, deep clean. I've seen nothing but good reviews about this, it's obviously well worth the money so why not? I wear make up everyday so my brushes deserve a good cleaning ever so often.

9) Visit my family more: I have a very large family and since my parents split up, it's very difficult to see everyone. I've decided that I need to put aside some time each month to get around and see various members of my family. My grandma is getting old and has dementia so I'd like to take the time I have to visit her.

10) Experiment with my look: I have the same looks for every occasion. Cat eyes for daytime, smoky black and grey for night time. I'm not adventurous at all with my look because of how fair I am. This year, I'm going to branch out and change my look bit by bit. I'm also doing to master how to apply my foundation like a pro. At the minute, mine seems to cake even if I use primer :( sad face times.

What are your New Years resolution? And how long do you think it'll take before you give up?

Toodles!
X

P.S. This lovely picture is what my cat decided to do with an empty box after Christmas. Sup demon cat.

Go to Nightout hair

Hello my honeybears!

Long time no see! I'm making progress with my medical problems. I've finally been referred to a specialist at the hospital (woo) just waiting to get my letter.

Anyway, the past couple of weeks, I've enjoyed a couple of nights out with my girls and guys so I thought I'd show you all my signature hairstyle and how I normally get it.

I generally follow the normal rules of curling hair: dirty hair holds curl better and always be careful with the temperature/time.

I use, one of 2 curlers, depending on how I want my curls. If I want them big, bouncy and, to start with, tight I use Babyliss Pro Curl but if I want more beachy, random curls, I use Babyliss Curling Wand. I warn you now, they both get reeeeally hot so I use my Curling Wand 'heatproof' glove on both of them.

So, I firstly start off with a general brush of the hair to detangle and all that jazz. Brushing your hair is self explanatory so I won't baby you all but I will show you a 'beautiful' picture of me with brushed bed hair and no makeup.

 I look grey hehehe. No anyway, I then put some Batiste Dry Shampoo in Tropical because it smells so lovely of coconuts and gives your hair just an extra boost of volume. I do always brush this out. I have once forgotten and my boyfriend had my life for it :( But yea, the dry shampoo just takes the extra grease off your hair and helps hold the curl some more.

 When it comes to actually curling, I section my hair off into 3 layers. My very bottom layer of hair is always curled the biggest to give some extra boost. The middle section, which is so hard to do, is also quite big. The middle section is really hard simply because you end up having to fight with your own hair to find what isn't curled and what is. At this point, I normally drop my curlers on my legs/arms/feet/ occasionally stomach. I have scars everywhere from being ridiculous and not concentrating.

 This is the finished products. I would look mega sexy going out like this but no, I either pull out the curls with the handle end of a back combing brush or I sleep on it. I always let my hair rest for at least half an hour just so my curls set and then I separate or I sleep on them. I think my hair looks better when they're slept on simply because they don't look as uniformed.

 This is the final outcome. I should have cracked a smile and probably readjusted my dress but hey ho, all is done now. To finish off, I always backcomb my roots a little (I'm small so huge hair could look outrageous) I also tip my head upside down and spray my roots with Wella's Silvikrin hairspray then give the ends a quick spray and run some Tresemmé Salon Smooth serum from half way down my head to the roots to tame some flyaways.

That's how I do my hair then guys. I'll show you all my Missguided purchases soon when I have the time to make myself look half decent.

Toodles!

X

Being a girl sucks

Hello my honeybears!

As I get older, I become more and more aware of how much being a girl sucks ass. Fair enough I'm only 19 but over my few short years, I have become very aware of how shitty life as a female really is so I've summarised my top 10 reasons why it really sucks. It no particular order:

1) Periods

Oh yes, the dreaded 'P' word. The word that makes males around the world squirm. The fear of wearing white, the cramps, the mood swings, the chocolate craving that never goes. Every girl longs for them as a youngster so they feel like a 'grown up' but when you get them, you regret every moment you spent wanting them.

2) Comparisons

We all look at other girls and think 'I wish I looked like her. She's gorgeous.' I think we're all/most of us are naturally programmed to feel completely crap around other girls and therefore we must compare ourselves to them. I do it constantly. I would give my right arm to look like Beyonce, Nicole Scherzinger or Kim Kardashian but alas, it's not meant to be. We all should just accept that, in some way, shape or form, we are beautiful.

3) Boobs

There's always something about them that gets you. Too big, too small, odd shape. odd sizes. We're never really happy with what we have. Mine are too big. At 5'2 and 32FF, my boobs do look rather ridiculous. I, personally, am not a fan of fakies because some do look totally unrealistic, like someone has shoved two balloons down your top. Bras are so expensive too! In the words of one of my friends 'I didn't choose the boob life, the boob life chose me'.

4) SHOES!

I have this constant feeling that I don't own enough shoes and therefore, need to buy all the shoes in the world! I am so out of pocket because of my shoe obsession but it's impossible to stop. There is no way you can just decide to stop when your collection is so far from being complete. Also, these are my newest shoes. How pretty please?

5) Hair

Everyone's been there. You want curly hair, you want straight hair, you want blonde hair, you want black hair. Before you know it, your hair is like straw; split end central and you're having to cut loads of your once beautiful locks off just to make it look half decent. Only to be followed by buying pricey hair masks to get it soft and shiny again. It's a horrible situation. I gave up with everyday use of heated stylers after I wrecked my hair. I'm a salt spray convert now.

6) Skin

I have spent hundreds of pounds, probably, trying to get perfect skin and you know what? It doesn't happen. There is no miracle skin perfecter. You can buy cheap or you can splash out but either way, nothing will magic away your spots, dullness, poor texture, etc. Lets face it, it will help but your diet and lifestyle pretty much determine how good your skin looks. I like to think of some skin care products as a plaster for your skin. They cover up the affected area but they don't really help.

7) Nail polish

I am cursed with nail polish. No matter how long I take to do them or wait for them to dry, they always smudge. No matter how carefully I do things or how many top coats I put on, they always chip. Even 'chip resistant' nail polishes chip within the first few hours of me wearing them so I'm forever changing my nail colour or just giving up and dealing with ugly, naked nails.

8) Tanning

Most of us can agree that you feel and look better when you're tanned but it's tricky to choose how to get that lovely, glowing tan. You either choose a) the sunbeds and risk increasing your chances of getting skin cancer but you come away with a lovely, even, glowing tan. b) Fake tan it so you risk looking orange, streaky and smelling a bit weird. As well as going through the whole exfoliating and moisturising routine the day before but hey, some are cheap and cheerful. My favourite is St. Moriz. Or c) You book a lovely holiday in a hot, sunny country which may cost you a small fortune but at least you'll enjoy yourself and catch some rays.

9) Foundation

I am yet to find a foundation that is completely perfect. They're either too dark, too orange or they don't stay on my oily skin. Yummy, I know. I whole heartedly believe that foundation is the hardest item of make up to get right. Seconded by lipstick. There's so many things that can do wrong with foundation and you will end up looking like a fool if it's not properly blended or if it's the incorrect shade. It's really expensive and hard work to find your perfect match. It takes so much research to find what type you need for your skin.

10) Body hair

Ok. This is probably one of the worst things about being a girl. I feel like I am forever shaving but everything else is pricey and, lets face it, not all of us have the time to get waxed regularly. There's so many things that can go wrong when you shave though, we all know that. Cutting, missing patches, dropping the razor (I also do this and it catches my fingernails and that feeling makes me ill), razor burn, blunt blades. There's probably more negatives than there are positives but it's cheap and easy. Now, for eyebrows. I get mine waxed every few weeks/months because I don't trust myself with them. They currently look like they're trying to take over my face because I haven't had time to get them done. They are so important to get right otherwise you'll constantly look surprised or angry or like Joey from Friends.

Do you agree?

What don't you like about being a girl or boy? What do you really hate?

:)

Toodles!

X

Holidays are comin'

Hello my honeybears!

Sorry for the massive absence. Ongoing health problems. I won't bore you with the details until I've been fully diagnosed.

Anyway! As you can tell from my title, this is about Christmas!

I LOVE CHRISTMAS! The trees, carols, lights, decorations, food. Everything just has that added sheen to it. Christmas markets are also fantastic, there is always something amazing lurching at a Christmas (or any) market.

I decided that I'd let you into my world. I don't ask for that much but what I do ask for is expensive. All of my dream items are on my Pinterest page.

I am a lover of good shoes, I am female after all. I have a place in my heart for Jeffrey Campbell's. They are thee most amazing collection of shoes ever. The shoe boots are a special favourite of mine because the colours are so scrummy, I'd make them the centre piece to any outfit.

I'm also a bit of a make up hoarder so expensive make up like MAC and Urban Decay are dream items for me especially Urban Decay's Naked palettes which can make your eyes pop! I see so many good things about MAC lipsticks, I want them all but I especially want a nude one as my eyes are always my stand out but being a student, the only way I would get them is if they were a gift. Hint, hint.

Being a geek, I love Lord of the Rings, Star Wars and Game of Thrones so trawling through Black Milk and Etsy has probably been the worst thing to do. I adore Black Milk's Lord of the Rings leggings because they're so quirky and the greens/blues used as so lovely, they can easily be teamed with a white, grey, black etc top.
I have lusted over Black Milk's R2D2 body suit for months! My boyfriend refuses to buy it for me as it's 'too expensive' but seriously! How could it not be worth the price?! It's an R2D2 body suit for Christ sake! It's perfect for making an impression on people, like people aren't gonna smile when they see it.
As for the Game of Thrones merch, Etsy is perfect for finding just what you need. I love the Stark children's names top and the book extract pendant. I find stuff like that really expresses a person. I'm a natural reader so I'm obviously attracted to it.

As for the satchels, UGGs and guinea pigs; they're essentially duh!
I managed to put a hole through the bottom of my rubber soled UGG boots and, living in the North East, I need to keep my feet nice and dry when there's 2 feet of snow. UGGs are probably the best for keeping you toasty, dry and stylish.
I recently broke my satchel on my way to work (oops) so I need a new one. I like satchels as they're so cute and not boxy or too much. They're just perfect for making a statement but also being underrated.
And for guinea pigs. Have you heard them talk to eachother?! You can't escape the cuteness of guinea pigs. I am actually getting two for Christmas. You'd think I was 12, right? I'm nearly 20. I love them though, they are so sociable and they love the attention. They're so loving, I honestly can't even tell you how much I love them without making it into a big Disney song and dance.

Let me know your Christmas wishes.

And if you're in the North East. Erm, hello! Fenwicks Christmas window display will be up soon! AHHH!

Toodles!
X

What's in my bag

Hello my honeybears!

So yes, I am doing a 'what's in my bag' post. I don't really carry anything interesting and I'm too busy to be a proper handbag girl so I chose to do my college bag.

 I really like this bag. I found it in New Look whilst having mooch with my mam on one of my rare days off work. It was a bit pricey (to me at least) at £39.99 but she bought me it as a 'Good luck at college' present. I had a scout around the New Look website and I can't seem to find this so I think it may have been discontinued. Bummer. Anyway, it has this cute little studded tassel on the front which I considered taking off but realised it was good to play with when you're bored. It has a nifty pocket at the front where I store all my little goodies and because there is a metal bar that turns to lock (I don't know the correct term, don't shoot me) so nothing escapes. Yipee!

 There is a zip closing on the top but it doesn't zip all the way to the ends. Design flaw. Also, I noticed this and you may have too, there is a GREEN MARK on my NUDE BAG! This actually happened after it rained when I was out. It's like when you wear cheap gold rings and it leaves a green mark. Seriously, massive ass pain.

 I've caught a few threads inside already too. I like the teeny pockets where I can sort my bits and pieces. When I find them, it's like getting presents from your past self. I always find jewellery, mints or tissues. Okay, they're not great presents from past me but still.

 This is the 'rotating metal lock' I tried to describe. I suck, I know.

Blue file - WHSmith's - This is my veterinary nursing file. It's 2 weeks into my course and it's already breaking my arm. Good start, eh?

Exercise book - WHSmith's - My glossary. That's all. Boring, I know.

Clear pencil case - WHSmith's - Again, boring.

Trebor Extra Strong mints - These honestly work wonders when you have a cough. They stop me from choking very quicky. They are also cheap and cheerful so I always have a supply tucked away in my bag. You never know when you're going to have a cheeky snog. Well, I do because I have a boyfriend. Hehe.

Wrigley's Extra Ice White Bubblegum flavour - The bubblegum flavour is to die for! I love how it's the bubblegum flavour with the whitening effect of normal Wrigleys. Bubblegum will always make me nostalgic, that's probably why I love it so much.

Purse - Present - It has the most card spaces in the entire world. I can't really say much else except it's very soft leather.

Ignore my college badge please. And my house keys. Can you tell I like the aliens from Toystory?

Carex Moisture Plus Hand Gel - Boots - I work with animals so it's really a must to have a disinfecting hand gel. Moisture Plus stops my hands being like paper.

Nivea Q10 Plus Age Defying Hand Cream - Boots - No, I haven't lost the plot and started think my hands were looking old at 19. I stole this off my mam after she left. It's so nice and smooth, it smells divine too.

Vaseline Rosy Lips -Boots - I love this so much. Not only does it make your lips nice and smooth but it also gives them a rosy glow. No need for lipstick. Perfect for daytimes or a first date.

Vaseline Cocoa Butter - Boots - I really like Vaseline. It's such a fail safe. The smell of the Cocoa butter one is delightful and, as with all Vaselines, it makes your lips so kissably soft.

Soap & Glory Super Colour Fabulipstick Powdercoat Matte Lipstick - in Blush Pink - Boots - I was not expecting this to be as dark as it was but it glides on beautifully. I always wear it when I've got minimal eye makeup on. Statement lip or statement eye of course It's not exactly a cheap lipstick but you don't have to sell your soul for it either. It's good quality like all Soap and Glory products and it doesn't dry my lips out (not sure about everyone elses) like some other matte lipsticks can.

Barry M Lip Paint - in Baby Pink - There are so many colours in the Barry M lip paint range which is why I always look there first. They are a bit drying but I also make sure I've moisturised my lips so they're nice and smooth before putting it on. There is pretty much for everyone even quirky colours like green and blue. Perfect for Halloween and very affordable.

Rimmel London Kate Matte Lipstick - in 101 - This is my fail safe. I love the colour. It tastes a bit chalky but it looks so lovely when it's on and it doesn't dry your lips out completely
Makeup bag - I actually received this so many years ago now in a gift set from Boots. You may know it, the one with the 'chocolate milk body wash'. I've used it ever since because it's the perfect size for all my essentials so I don't need to carry a massive washbag with me all the time.

iPod Classic  - The music people's iPod. I really wanted my iPod for nothing more than listening to as much music as possible. No internet, no games, no apps. Just music. This is exactly why I bought this. I actually got my old one replaced not that long ago after the part where you plug your headphones into broke :( They are pricey but they last for ages if you're careful so I always think that
they're a great investment. An iPod classic is perfect if you're just into listening to music too.

Snow White Must Die by Nele Neuhaus - This book was completely addictive. It was just so engaging and it kept you guessing for the whole story. I really like crime/mystery books because I try and work out who it was before the book finishes which is why I am a massive Stephen King fan.
I love books, sorry for rambling.

I'm seriously go in store if you want to buy any of the lipsticks I show because they look completely different on different people.

That seemed to go on forever. Sorry for how rambly and boring that was but there is nothing interesting in my bag.

Also, I don't just go around eating lipstick before people think I do. I bite my lips sometimes and I realised my lipstick was a bit chalky.

Here is my cat btw. If you have me on Twitter then you may know that I decided to include them more in my posts. This is cat number 2 of 3.

I'm off to beddy byes.

Toodles!
X

P.S. You're having my cat's picture. Instead of smiley, you get sleepy.

Winter is a coming.

Hello my honeybears!

Yes, I have resurfaced. Finally. Did you like my Game of Thrones reference?

Anyway, as you may have noticed if you have dared to venture outside, it is getting fairly nippy. When I say fairly nippy, I mean I have been frozen solid and telling everyone how horrifically cold I am along with constant shivering and teeth chattering.

Due to this, rather sudden, weather change, I've decided that I would show you my woolies. Hats, gloves and all the other wooly goodies I own.

This is currently my only cardigan...for now. It's so nice and cosy and snuggly. I love it so much even the colours. My hat is also brilliant, admit it? It's cute as a button and being a bear is all the rage these  days, don't y'all know?
Cardigan - Primark - £16
Bear Hat - River Island - Christmas Present

 This is actually a lads jumper from Matalan years ago. It's so big even though it's a small. Men are really big, aren't they? It feels like you're getting a big, warm cuddle all day when you wear it. The one downside: due to my long hair, when I pull it over my head I end up getting my hair stuck and pulling it out. Ouchie :(

 I can honestly give you no details on my lovely owl jumper as it was a Christmas present off my boyfriend last year. I can tell you that the neck was so scratchy, to the point where my neck was red raw, that I had to 'trim' the harder parts off and wash it with A LOT of fabric softener. It did shrink a touch :( ANYWAY, I got the hair band (yes, it is a hair band) as a gift too but it was £12 from a Christmas fair in Durham City Centre. So looking forward to it this year. If you're from the North East, come along, there is everything. I always feel a bit like a cougar in leopard print. I feel I should be inviting young men into my house because I need my pool cleaning. This would, however, help if I had a pool and wasn't 19.

 Same jumper, I love it. This hat, known in my household as the Bat/Cat hat, was the first animal related item that I bought as an 'adult'. It is from River Island about 5 years ago at around about £8ish pounds. Don't quote me on that. I feel like a child when I wear it but it makes me happy. Wear what makes you smile.

 Just chillin', being a raccoon. Yet another River Island purchase. This was during my love affair with River Island which ended abruptly last year after an incident with a pair of shoddy studded leggings. Anyway, off topic. I always wear this in winter because when it snows, I feel like lying down and burrowing. Do raccoons burrow? Am I confusing them slightly with badgers? It's also not that thick so I can wear it under my coat but it's thick enough so I can warm without an extra layer.

 This is without the hood and looking vaguely normal.

 AHHH! MITTENS! I love mittens! They're foxy/raccoony too. Guess where they're from? That's right. RIVER ISLAND! Animal stuff makes me more happy than I care to admit and they do/did a brilliant selection of animal related clothing during the winter. These are actually really toasty but the thumb is slightly too big from my hands and when the tops are down, it is, naturally, difficult to do anything.

 One of my cats decided to help me by trying stealing my camera and 'redesigning' my leggings with her claws. She's all heart, see.

I really love winter. Do you? Let me know your favourite season :)
That's me done for today.
I will be back soon to ramble aimlessly about life.

Toodles!
X